


How It Should Be

by OctarinePegacorn



Category: Breaking Benjamin - Fandom
Genre: F/M, Infidelity, Obsession, maybei'lladdmoretagslater
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-13
Updated: 2013-08-13
Packaged: 2017-12-23 08:09:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,507
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/923948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OctarinePegacorn/pseuds/OctarinePegacorn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Who's more obsessed with whom? You, or your love interest?</p>
            </blockquote>





	How It Should Be

“Obsession” wasn’t the right word. She hadn’t invaded your subconscious; you hadn’t even dreamed about her. Even if you did have an observation journal dedicated to her, you were too embarrassed to actually mention her name anywhere on it. 

In fact, the thought of someone finding it was so embarrassing that the Diary of Jane became a bird watching journal. “Bird watching journal” was a euphemism for “list of attractive traits in random females I have come across.” You weren’t exactly picky when it came to beauty. It wouldn’t be wrong to say that you were easily ~~intimidated~~ impressed by members of the opposite sex. 

Each entry looked like it was about a “different” woman. They all mentioned one thing about Jane. You recorded personality traits, conversations, general observations. If anyone else read it, they would probably think you were an easily amused weirdo.

But what you wanted most was for Jane to notice you. There were always a couple of nice girls who wouldn’t mind going out with you but right now all you could do was wonder who you were to the enigmatic Jane.

[If I had to, I would put myself right beside you/So let me ask/Would you like that?/Would you like that?/And I don’t mind, if you say this love is the last time/So now I’ll ask/Do you like that?/Do you like that?/No]

This year, more kerosene was added to the fire. Besides being able to see her often, your school schedules sort of implied that you had similar interests. Or at least you hoped they did.

_I wonder what we have in common…_

The situation became more intense the day the long term substitute arrived in your third period class. The original teacher was on maternity leave for a couple of months.

“Uh…” the sub muttered sheepishly. “The seating chart seems to have been misplaced…”

“Obviously we’re already sitting in our assigned seats,” said a girl who sat diagonally behind you. Her faux-whisper was just loud enough for everyone to hear clearly and a few people giggled. Most people, like you, just stared ahead, praying she’d perform the kindest possible action.

“You know,” she said, louder and with more confidence, “I’ll just let you guys choose your seats.” The sub smiled shyly. “I’m sure you’re all mature enough to do that.”  
***  
Your beyond-crush was sitting in the first seat of the second row. It looked like she got there after two of her friends, who were sitting at the first two desks of the first column. Behind her were another friend and the friend’s boyfriend. Luckily, the boyfriend was a friend of _yours_ so you were ecstatic when he waved you over, gesturing to the seat in front of him.

Jane gave you a demure smile. “Hello [name]. We never really talk to each other, do we?” She subconsciously tilted her chin up, baring her smooth neck. 

“Yeah.” You knew that this was the moment where you could either make it or break it. “Well, the other classes we have together are AP… Not a lot of time to…” You attempted to think of a cool synonym for “chitchat”. “…talk.” 

Her smile grew slightly. “Yeah. We have the same friends.” She lowered her chin and gestured to your friend with it. “We should hang out more…”  
***  
As you idly flipped through the pages of the Diary of Jane, you wondered if she was actually flirting with you. You didn’t want to be _completely_ delusional. She was, from what you’d observed, a generally nice person who did her best to appear friendly. 

A part of you wondered if maybe she deserved someone better than you. Jane was waaay out of your league. In fact, it surprised you that she didn’t have more admirers. There were always at least a couple of the guys who would give her an appreciative glance in the hallways but she never seemed to notice them. Or maybe she was just politely ignoring them.  
***  
“I can’t do this anymore.”

_That sounds like Jane…_

You didn’t mean to eavesdrop, _but they were right there_. Everyone else had cleared out from this hallway. It was the end of the school day but you were staying after because you volunteered to help set up the school carnival. Evidently Jane and someone else had as well. As you leaned against the corner, you listened carefully.

“Jane, honey, I-” said a soft, clearly masculine voice.

“No,” she said, coldly. “Don’t ‘Jane-honey’ me. You keep doing hurtful things and I keep taking you back.” You became aware of your own breathing and one of your legs began to fall asleep. “Well, never again.”

The guy she was with sounded relieved. “I… I’ll repent. For you, Jane; I’ll do anything.”

“Yes, well…” You heard her light footsteps. “…I’m not allowing you to repent.”

“What?”

_Sounds like a wham line…_

“Did you honestly think that I want to be a cuckold?” She sounded almost eerily calm. “Do you think that I want people gossiping about it, saying things like ‘Oh, how embarrassing for her’?” 

It was like Jane was trying to sound angry and she couldn’t. But she was breaking up with her boyfriend 

_How didn’t I notice she had one?_

anyway. Like she knew that she should have been angry that he had been unfaithful but she wasn’t. Jane knew that it was healthier to break it off because from the looks of it he was taking advantage of her kindness.

_Who could he have cheated on her with?_

The door slamming caught you off guard. There wasn’t enough time for you to get away. 

[Something’s getting in the way/Something’s just about to break/I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane/So tell me how it should be]

Jane almost bumped into you.

“Oh, hi [name].”

“Hey Jane…”

She smiled that demure and friendly smile. “Did you volunteer for the carnival, too?” Jane tilted her head. 

“Oh, yeah. But I left something behind in one of the classrooms so I need to go get it… I’ll meet up with you and the rest of the volunteers soon.”

Jane’s smile widened slightly and she brushed past you. Waiting until you couldn’t hear her footsteps anymore, you went to the end of the hallway, walked back, and then entered the classroom. There was no one inside. The window was slightly open but you decided to leave it like it was.

_This place is so old. The windows open more easily than they shut. I’ll probably end up shattering the glass if I try to shut it._

[Try to find out/What makes you tick/As I lie down/Sore and sick/Do you like that?/Do you like that?/  
There’s a fine line, between love and hate/And I don’t mind/Just let me say that/That I like that/I like that]

_Well, everyone can’t be nice all the time._

The more you thought back to that conversation you overheard, the more unnerved you felt. Jane was nice, of course, but even the kindhearted need to stand up for themselves.

_No. Don’t “Jane-honey” me._

She had sounded emotionally detached, like he wasn’t worth getting angry over. Maybe she had been angry at first, but she had rehearsed how she’d confront him.

Lying on your bed, your eyes closed and the Diary lying on your chest, you wondered what Jane was really like. Did she plan out how her conversations were going to go with everyone else? With you?

_She’s not a horrible person,_ you tried to convince yourself. _I would do the same thing. I would totally break up with someone, but… Over the phone? Doesn’t everyone deserve to be dumped in person?_

But you couldn’t help but think that it would be a little bit exciting if she had another side to her that you didn’t know about. Come to think of it, it would’ve been boring if you only saw Jane’s “positive” traits.

_Maybe I should start a new Diary of Jane, one that highlights-_

From downstairs came a huge crash. You leapt up from your bed and flew down the stairs.

“What was that?” you asked your older brother who was also making his way towards the living room.

“I dunno but it sounded like a ton of glass breaking…”

The window that looked out onto the street looked like someone had thrown a boulder through it. There were large shards of glass everywhere and

“Holy mother…” exclaimed your brother.

a body lying in the middle of the rug, blood beginning to pool. It looked like this guy had just jumped right into your house. His uniform was from the school your brother went to.

“[name],” said your brother, “call the police. Tell them that some guy… Just tell them that we found an injured guy in our living room.”

“How do you know he’s not dead?”

“He’s a mouth-breather…”

[Something’s getting in the way/Something’s just about to break/I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane/As I burn another page/As I look the other way/I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane/So tell me how it should be]

Turns out that he couldn’t breathe through his nose because it was broken. Large shards of glass had pierced the intruder’s chest and he was afraid of puncturing a lung. 

You visited him in the hospital. He had been declared mentally… something and, well, long story short, he was actually a pretty nice guy. The police told you that he had actually gone missing a few days before and it was thought that he had intentionally tried to harm himself when he entered your house.

“Sorry about what I did to your window, [name].”

“It’s okay,” you replied. That sounded awkward but it really wasn’t that big of a deal. You were just glad he was alright.

“I guess you want to know why I did it.”

_Actually, I want to know why you soften your voice when talking to girls._ You felt kind of bad after thinking that, even if it did remind you of that guy in Of _Mice and Men_ who put Vaseline on his hand and then wore a glove over it to keep it soft for his wife.

“They say I was trying to trying to commit suicide. They were… a little off.”

_Uh oh._

“…is wrong with both of us.”

“What?”

He was staring at you intently now. “I went through your window for three reasons. One, I was trying to warn you.”

“Warn me?”

Closing his eyes, he nodded. “Two, I was trying to distract you.”

_How do I page the nurse?_

“Three, I actually was hoping that I could end.”

“Um, look…” You said his name. “I think you need some rest so I’m just going to-”

“I know you think I’m crazy, and I probably am now, thanks to her.”

“Who-?”

“You know who.”

“I don’t-”

“Jane.” He bobbed his head up and down. “Yeah, I’m talking about Jane. How obsessed are you?”

“What.” 

The intruder smiled. “Ah, that wasn’t a question. Let me tell you a little bit about your beloved Jane…”

[Desperate, I will crawl/Waiting for so long/No love/There is no love/Die for anyone/What have I  
become?]

**Jane’s Ex-Boyfriend’s POV**  
Your girlfriend Jane called you all the way over to her school, afterschool. You didn’t know why, but you did what she told you anyway. Always did what she told you. 

As it turned out, she found out you were having an affair with one of the teachers. The long-term sub for Jane’s own third period. Jane had accused you of cheating on her with other girls before. She became jealous very easily. She didn’t even like you looking at other girls although she accessed almost every male she saw. 

She told you about it. Jane even kept her own Diary of Jane, except hers wasn’t about herself; it was a data book for “potential mates”, as she (jokily?) called them. It sounded sort of like your own Diary, except yours was entirely about Jane’s good traits. Then, when you started to notice how Jane wasn’t as innocent as she seemed, you started a new one about her “bad girl” side. You quickly filled up both Diaries and started a new one. The true Diary of Jane, completely about Jane. By the time you had started this volume, you couldn’t have checked out another female even if you wanted to. 

And it was okay if she rated other guys the way she did. She told you that she was saving herself for marriage.

_Our marriage_ , you thought gleefully.

“I can’t do this anymore.”

The teacher had actually been the one who had initiated the whole thing, but you knew that if you mentioned that to Jane, she would have just said “If you hadn’t leered at her, she wouldn’t have responded.” Not “Well, you should have fought off her advances.” But she would have been right. You were the one in a meaningful relationship with the lovely Jane.

“No. Don’t ‘Jane-honey’ me.” The way she would hyphenate separate words you used, spitting them back at you, wasn’t something you had noticed when you first started going out. When you did, it went in the bad traits Diary. “You keep doing hurtful things and I keep taking you back. Well, never again.” 

You shouldn’t have chosen to pursue the affair with the teacher. Even if she was like a more mature, slightly submissive version of Jane. Looking back, you shouldn’t have asked to stay behind when she was substituting for one of your classes. You really needed the help and helped she had. Just in more ways than was appropriate.

“Yes, well… I’m not allowing you to repent.”

When she called you again after the dumping, you were ripping out pages of the first Diary. Jane was the one that you really ~~needed~~ wanted and you had ruined it. The last conversation you had with her was being replayed over and over again in your head.

“Did you honestly think that I want to be a cuckold? Do you think that I want people gossiping about it, saying things like ‘Oh, how embarrassing for her’?” 

The teacher had started off by asking if you had a girlfriend. That was a horrible question to ask. You didn’t want people knowing that you were dating Jane because… Well, you weren’t entirely sure why. People tended to think someone was more attractive if they were already with someone else. A lot of guys, even at your school, liked Jane. If word got around that she was already spoken for… People might try to actually flirt with her. Nobody flirted with her. Admiration from afar seemed to be 

You actually couldn’t remember how she became your girlfriend. The details were a little fuzzy.

_And the memories are hazy._  
***  
When she called you up, she had a request for you.

“There’s this guy who likes me…”

By the time she had finished the informing you about the would-be rival, it was like a fog had cleared up. The sweet Jane you had fallen in love with was dead. Maybe she’d never been alive.

Warning this guy was what you knew you had to do, though Jane wanted you to provide a distraction while she sneaked inside his house and grabbed his Diaries. You didn’t know what to do and you told her so.

“Man versus self,” she muttered before softening her voice. That didn’t make her sound any sweeter, though. “This is your redemption.”

“My… my redemption?” 

You felt awful for cheating. Even if it was on someone as horrible as Jane…  
***  
You had no idea how to get into his house. Your despicable ex had given you as much information as needed to complete the mission she had assigned you. His parents were gone but his older sibling was home. 

“They’re both upstairs. They already had dinner. You just need to provide a distraction.”

Resisting the urge to ask her how she knew where they were located, you instead said “How am I supposed to distract them?”

There was a long pause. 

“You’ve always been… _creative_.” Jane sounded almost nice and happy again. “You’ll think of something, [name].”

When she hung up, you put the phone back in its cradle and leaned against the wall, staring down at the floor. You hadn’t seen “The Omen” in a long time but there one scene that had always stayed with you.

_All for you, Jane._  
 **End Jane’s Ex-Boyfriend’s POV**

“When you get home,” he told you as he settled back down on his pillows, “make sure your Diary is still there. If it’s not…” The intruder closed his eyes and lay still for a few moments. You were about to exit the room when he spoke up again.

“You know, it’s funny.”

“What’s funny?”

“The doctors seem to think all my window-related injuries came from when I broke into your house.”

[Something’s getting in the way/Something’s just about to break/I will try to find my place in the diary of Jane/As I burn another page/As I look the other way/I still try to find my place in the diary of Jane/So tell me how it should be]

“So you think he jumped out that window at the school?”

“What? You don’t believe me?” you questioned your brother.

The sun had already gone down and you just wanted to crawl into bed. Your brother was driving you home and eagerly listening to you repeat your conversation with the trespasser. 

“He’s a nice guy and all (especially for apologizing and offering to pay for the window) but jumping out a window that’s not on the first floor is crazy. Yes, I know he’s unstable but that would seriously hurt him. I’m not sure he’s rational enough to be able to find a way to do that without seriously injuring himself.

I mean, there’s no way he could have dragged himself all the way over to our house, [name], if he had actually self-defenestrated from that high up.”  
***  
Feeling a little disturbed, you decided to stay up and read. Your back resting against the comfy computer chair in your room and your feet resting on your desk, you allowed yourself to be swept into the sexy arms of literature.

Until your mind began to wander off as you became sleepier and sleepier. 

_I’m not sure if I can entirely get over Jane, but I’m sure going to need to turn my crushing down._

You doubted that you would become as obsessed with her as her ex was but it was probably best if you stopped the infatuation and actually tried asking her out. If she said no, you’d be crushed but you were sure that you’d eventually be able to get over her.

The first step was destroying the Diary. Destroy all evidence of your puppy lovely preoccupation and then you could get on with it. Reaching into the pocket of your jeans, you drew out the key to unlock a desk drawer. As you fit the key into the lock, you couldn’t help but wonder if there was some truth to what the intruder had said about his ex.

_Jane was just being assertive, you tried to convince yourself. It’s not like she was being mean, right? I’d be pretty heartbro- Where did the Diary go?!_  
***  
 _Okay, who was the last person in my room?_

Your father. While you were in charge of putting your clothes back when they were clean, he would take them down and do the actual laundering. He wasn’t normally a nosy man but it wouldn’t surprise you if he had become suspicious recently. After all, your brother was dating an upperclassman. Dad didn’t like anyone to date outside their grade when they were “that young”. He kept on stressing how strange it was for your older brother to be dating someone _eight months older_. And you never really dated, even though you knew there were plenty of nice girls who wouldn’t say no to an outing to the cinema. If your father read your “bird watching” journal, well, that would be better than a straight up Diary of Jane. You could see how both scenarios would play out.

First scenario, he would be disappointed and embarrassed. 

_Son, have you heard of the concepts of “misogyny” and “objectification of females”?_

Second, he would be deeply worried. Probably more sympathetic, though.

_Son, do you know what an “ob-ses-shun” is?_

You didn’t tell your brother about your own Diary and you were a little bit afraid to. He was out on a date with his girlfriend now and who knew when he’d come back? It hadn’t really sunk in till now, but Jane’s ex seemed to know about yours. He even mentioned starting his own bad trait Diary. How did he know you were planning on starting one? 

_No, he didn’t mention anything about my starting one. But I think he knew that I had one. He just didn’t know that my Diary of Jane wasn’t entirely about Jane._

In the end, you decided to mention this to him. However, you felt like you needed to call Jane first and tell her that you had met her ex.  
***  
You texted the friend who sat behind you in your third block. Once he gave you her number, he couldn’t stop teasing you about it. That’s when you noticed that the battery was low. 

 

Shutting it off as quickly as you could, you laid your phone down on your desk. Now where was your charger? You weren’t able to spot it so you decided to just call Jane using Ye Olde Home Phone. Keeping that kind of phone in your bedroom was a safety measure that your father insisted upon.

Gently picking up the phone, you were about to dial the number you had been repeating in your head like some lifesaving mantra when Jane interrupted you.

“You can’t redeem yourself. It’s too late.”

“Jane, I’m so, so sorry…” said the soft, masculine voice you had heard in the classroom.

You dropped the phone in shock. Luckily, it landed on your cushioned computer chair. That wasn’t the guy who broke in. Your brother was the one talking to Jane. You always texted him so you didn’t know that that was what his voice sounded over the phone now. Puberty did strange things to one’s voice, too.

_Who the heck was the intruder and why did he take credit for things my brother did? Was he realy juggling Jane, his girlfriend, and a teacher all at once? Where does Jane come into-?_

Shaking, you turned the lights off and got under the covers and were about to pull them over your head when you heard your closet door creak open. Still as a statue, you prayed that this was just a nightmare. You had almost convinced yourself of that until you remembered that electrical appliances such as lights couldn’t be turned on or off in dreams. Then the sound of light feet sliding against the floorboards, the feeling of covers being pulled off, and a pinprick of pain in your neck. Your eyes widened as you came across a revelation.

_My brother isn’t home right now._  
***  
“Are you awake yet, [name]?”

You slowly opened your eyes, let them adjust to the dim light, and waited out the blurriness. Your wrists were pinned above your head, handcuffed to the barred headboard of a duke-sized bed. Your legs were spread-eagled and your ankles were cuffed to the bed as well. A pillow propped your head up. The collar around your neck was chained to the headboard. There was a dresser with a huge mirror in front of you. Your reflection looked a bit ominous as the only light was coming from a white candlestick on top of the dresser.

_Isn’t it considered bad luck to see your reflection by candlelight?_ you thought gloomily.

At first you thought that it was your brother’s girlfriend from his school sitting next to the dresser. She was wearing the skirt-version of the intruder’s uniform. It took you a few seconds to recognize her.

“Jane?”

Attempting to turn your neck so you could get a better look at her only resulted in the collar tightening. 

She calmly stood up and went to open the first drawer. Your infatuation 

_I don’t know her. I never really knew her. I never really knew her at all._

pulled out your journal (thinking of it as the “Diary of Jane” almost made you flinch with shame), a bobby pin, a syringe, and then sat them on top of the dresser.

“I guess you’re wondering why you’re… here?” she asked, sounding a bit more melancholy than you expected. All you could do was stare. 

“My sister convinced some infatuated guy at her school to distract you so we could break in. She disabled the ringer on your phone and hung out in your closet until you turned the lights off. I was in your brother’s room. I warned him that if I caught him on a date with that teacher again, I’d break into his house. I guess he got paranoid so he called to make sure you were okay. Because of your location, you didn’t hear the phone ring and so I answered his call. 

He was really afraid for you, I’ll give him that. Your older brother’s sick and selfish, but at least he cares about you, [name].”

“So, he was dating both of you?”

Jane nodded. “My sister’s a romantic sadist. She likes playing with people’s feelings. When she found out that your brother’s fantasy was to date two sisters at the same time, I agreed to it, mostly because I thought I could get closer to you.”

You figured your brother must have already introduced Jane’s sister to the rest of your family, so Jane had no chance to “get closer”.  
***  
“I’m not in here,” she said, fatally disappointed. “You just wrote about a bunch of other girls…”

“Actually, I…” you started, feeling your body temperature spike. Explaining the format to her was embarrassing, but you didn’t know what else to do.

Jane’s face sluggishly turned a light red and she lowered her eyelids, watching you carefully. She was now standing right next to you. It almost startled you when she brought her hand to your face and gently caressed your cheek. What she was doing was creepy, yet…

“I knew you were different from all the rest,” she breathed. “You’re so smart, [name].” That line came out like a moan. 

“So… Jane…”

“Hm?” she murmured.

“Can we continue the rest of this conversation with my hands and legs free?”

“Okay, but the collar stays on.”

You sighed and she suppressed a giggle. 

“Fine…”

**Author's Note:**

> Well, that was anticlimatic.


End file.
